blog

2011-11-04T18:02:00.000-07:00

Times flies, and I'm entering the last week of university semester 1. That's quite scary not knowing how my days and weeks had passed and to know that I didn't enjoy school is kinda sad. Right now, I'm supposed to study hard to prove people wrong.

I don't score well doesn't mean I'm not capable, it just means because I'm a victim of the education system. It is really irritating and unjust to know that people cheat their way to the top, and I know how this is also true in the real world, but seriously? Because I'm in science, it always made me think about the debate we had in jc over science and ethics. Is that why they are opposing forces, and should only one prevails, the other will suffer terribly?

Because life is like that, I'm supposed to accept and move on? I rather not be in this rat race. I set out what I want, and so long as I do right even if average, it doesn't affect my chance of applying stuff of my interest, then I'm perfectly fine!

Don't mess with my plan.

2011-10-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Studying isn't just about meeting datelines and test dates, and grades doesn't determine your intelligence. I may not survive well in university as of now, but at least I manage to learn something out of it. My obsession over grades wasn't built on air but at least I managed to think out of it. Everyone hopes to do well, and I don't think I'm otherwise but I want something else out of my university life. I think I'll be okay with average results, cause this won't determine I'm ordinary. I'll get used to it, just give me time and send me some hope!

Thinking positively even though I'm not all that positive.

P.s: I just saw a comment that was left v long ago by some stranger, and it made my day that someone actually thought my posts were interesting. I want to do some random kindness act today!

2011-10-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

I guess I can really feel that I've aged. My ankle takes so long to recover from a sprain, it wasn't like that the last time :/ I can't wait to get out to feel the sunlight on my skin again.

I should be a plant, seriously!

2011-10-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Pre-trip today!

It was really an eye opener & I really love this kind of volunteerism. I made a difference & I'm glad that my path intersects with theirs.

2011-10-06T20:03:00.000-07:00

Why is life so fragile & unpredictable?

If growing up means dealing with all these, then I don't want to grow up. I know this is reality, but I don't want to know all these, I know I'm naive but I rather be deceived.

2011-10-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

I miss you exceptionally badly today and Idk why..

There are times whereby I try not to think of you, but I find it so hard to let it pass. I can't believe they're doing this. It just seems so cold-handed - robbing away our memories, depriving me from reminiscing, selling a part of my life away. Doesn't all that matter?

On a side note, I dropped my phone and my screen cracked once again. Test result was out and I was beyond shocked, never was it like that before. The day doesn't feel right and I just feel lousy.

2011-07-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

#Day 47 : I can't believe it's your birthday & we celebrated it so differently, how unwillingly. Yet almost everyone show up. I certainly hope you feel it and enjoy it.

I know some part of me is with you, and will continue to be so. It may sound sad to others, but I'm glad you took it. Idk if this is supposed to be like this..

I no longer know anyone to share anymore. I've distanced myself, intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously. Shadow & reflection are what I set my eyes for now.

I thought I'm stronger after so many years, but I guess I have proven myself wrong.

2011-07-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

So many things happened, I feel like an onion, its outer coat being ripped off, layers by layers, exposed, exposed to reality.

I'm learning to deal with things, that doesn't make sense to a kid, and it still doesn't make much sense.

Right now, I want to be a kid resting on your lap, rocking along with your lullaby and waking up to a better moment. I know, I'm that selfish brat. I just realised so, that I've snatched away someone else's given chance of motherly / grandmotherly love for years, decades even. It wasn't a new realization but I refuse to accept all along, and that's even more selfish. I've borrowed you & practically your everything for decades, it's time to return. Please don't call this your life, because it wasn't meant to spell this way. I feel like a thief, I'm one. Yet I'm not guilty in the eyes of law, so ridiculous, so preposterous, what an irony. Saying sorry is insufficient, not even close to minimum, not enough to cover the deep guilt. I don't see the power of it.

2011-05-28T02:47:00.000-07:00

Blogger wasn't accessible, since I didn't verify my account.

Anyw, decision has been made, and thanks so much for people's input and opinion.

I'm currently doing all the administrative matters, with the help of Cel ,<3

The promise made to you will be the source of motivation to study, cause I know your good intention.
No more looking back, and start training after resting for 1 year plus, good luck to me, :)
I need H2 bio notes badly!!

I'm actually excited for uni to start, cause I need to shop for a lot of stuff, and studying seems so much easier.

2011-05-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I was in a hurry as you are
I was like you
There was a day when I just had to tell my point of view
I was like you
Now I don't mean to make you frown
No, I just want you to slow down

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

Running around as you do with your head up in the clouds
I was like you
Never had time to lay back, kick your shoes off, close your eyes
I was like you
Now you're not hard to understand
You need someone to take your hand

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

-Olivia Newton-John, Have You Ever Been Mellow

I don't wish to see the light of the day, and I can't wait for the night to come. I wish for the cycle to stop, because I need more time, because I don't want to proceed to the next stage of life, because I'm not ready to live on another for-who-knows-is-a regret, until result day that you know your choice isn't that big a wrong.

It feels like a torture to choose between your two likes, but I think deep inside me, there's already a choice made. What actually hurts is that people you wish they care, didn't. What actually worth rejoice is that people who you don't think it's a big part of your life, give you opinions, hear you out, and talk sense.

It's time not to live on the expectations of others, because it's a burden that may get too heavy in the midst of your journey. Even IF I live by the stereotype, I guess I'm still unique and I'm going to shine.

Because it comes at the wrong point in time, I've to let it slip by, no matter how unwilling I'm.. This summons all the feeling and emotions of late 2008-2009.

It is so depressing, I want to run and hide away...

2011-05-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

At every stage of life, a stereotype has been established and most people just follow the flow, because it’s the norm, because it’s safer with the guide of a mould, because it is the perceived notion we subscribe to, because people’s expectation generally stem from it as well. No matter how much they exclaim at the uniqueness of the course and praise the soul that is trying to be different, they tune into their normal mode and start questioning its pragmatism in split seconds. Trying to go against the stereotype requires a lot of courage and aspiration, to deal with many uncertainties popping up along the way and those puzzled look people cast. Trying to be different makes you outstanding just for a moment, because the key word is trying. Whether you really succeed in doing so is another story and when you have done so, another bag of problem surfaces; when you fail to do so, at least you tried, and that’s it. Is that life, to just solve problems and problems and problems without a perfect solution? As much as we are told to lead a life of our own, we tend to dive straight into the stereotype to fit in, to find a room for survival and eventually map out the life of others.

What I know of life is to pursue dreams of yours and ride the wave of your ideals to really define it as your life. But knowing and doing it don’t quite pair up naturally and rational mind can change that to utopia thinking.

The course and thus degree doesn’t dictate the future that much, or as much as we think it would have. It’s the choice at each point of time that is influential, and accountability to oneself. There wouldn’t be a need to say afterwards if that’s the right choice because you can’t rewind life to even know what’s right and what’s wrong. Because it’s your life, you make the call, you bear the responsibility, and you absorb what it churns out. The pondering over after a decision is redundant, and all those ‘what if’s just make matter worse. But human brain like complexity and those logical thinking is reasonably refuted by real life cases and practical questions people raised and that’s why I’m back to square one.

NUS professors are so confident of their programs because of their long history and establishment that proves the sustainability of their degree and the usefulness of it that has produced and continue to produce many movers and shakers to all walks of life. I must say they are very convincing. The push factor – prestigious reputation & partnership with other world class universities they have advantage over NTU and the pull factor – the flexibility system to design your degree that speaks volume for your resume and the need of students: bridging module for biology for my case. At this stage, NTU is probably still refining and retuning their structure and curriculum to find the best fit. They are getting there but not quite there yet. No doubt, first batch of graduate has produced optimistic statistics, cleared the mystery and doubts of the course, but what hasn’t and cannot be seen at this point is the sustainability, and this will be tied closely to the decision of the policy maker which has to be accepted, like it or not.

NUS maps out many possible pathways to pursue after graduation due to their close and long term partnership with universities and institutions, whereas NTU has some but limited exit pathways. The completion of the course only provides the starting block of the arduous journey and the next building block hasn’t really appeared. It feels like they are still figuring things out, which make them linger at the stage of trial-and-error. Without the know-how, it seems to bounce back to following the steps of others, which goes against the principle of being different. Moreover, it restricts the soul to create another sphere for TCM, and to add colour to the scene local TCM.

NUS attracts the best students into their faculty of science and it is told to be very competitive. NTU is second to that, and thus it is easier to excel. Not like I can’t survive in NUS, given that I managed to do well in rj. So it’s reduced to being a small fish in the big pond or the big fish in the small pond? And what’s the benefit of either situation?

NUS is more research-oriented and chances are high to get very experienced mentor to guide you through. Given the very fact that NTU has paired up Chinese medicine with biomedical science, a possibility then arises to have Chinese medicine as the subject of research for final year project, which will then satisfy the interest and passion for TCM. Another option would be to pursue it after tertiary education at a local institution, but there seems to be a very big short-changing without the exposure of the establishment of TCM in China and witnessing the combination of Western and Chinese medicine in integrated hospitals, which still remains as a wishing thinking in local.

In NTU, the only chance to explore and experience overseas education is limited to the final two years with guarantee, whereas in NUS, it is up for grab and there are varying time period and chances to attend more than one overseas exchange program. That said, it comes with no assurance.

What NUS offers – the attractive courses and diverse programs- may not be the bag of goods I end up with ultimately since those are largely based on results and ability? What NTU provides has already been finalized and even without the freedom to mix and match, it is undeniably exciting to embark on.

Now, it’s the fight to conform to typical education vs to pursue a rather extraordinary course. I’m not quite ready to give up TCM, even though I don’t quite know if the interest for it will sustain.

Stick to the stereotype, and be greedy in thoughts, e.g. try for law/ minor in forensic sciences & complete M.sc forensic sciences with King’s College of London/ and many possible options, or to create the impossible?

2011-05-21T00:08:00.000-07:00

If curiosity can kill, the curiosity to just have a look at the NUS school campus life and courses have already killed me. I must say NUS had done a pretty good job in convincing people to hop on their vehicle without the expense of dissing other vehicle, and the more they're honorable and respectable.

The long struggle inside me reduced to pointless, worthless or useless after attending NUS FOSOH 2011. The chances of attending those offered course revert back to 50:50 and I'm serious. NUS professors are so convincing and they painted a colorful picture of their college of science, with so many attractive possibility and appealing program. ISn't that what a student asks for their possibly final education - one filled with thrill, excitement and possibility to explore?

This internal fight transforms to conforming a typical education vs pursuing an unique course. Why I call it typical is because people eventually choose something because of their reputation, and undeniably NUS is definitely more established with their 80 years long history and the wide extensive network they build win NTU anytime. People go for the so called safer choice, the more predictable course, in this unpredictable world. The uncertainty of the prospects of tcm make people sway to NUS straight away. If it's anchored solely on biomedical science, NUS will the choice with certainty. But thing changes after factoring in tcm, it is no longer that clear cut. The long term investment -prospects of tcm- termed by the professor who created the course, which actually spells the downside of the course or the worrying factor is not a deterring factor for me to choose tcm. The excitement and possibility to pair law with life science makes it an even tougher choice. That said, both will give a rather outstanding resume basing on my intent so it's not worrying and I think I will carve out my own career no matter what I choose. Just saying, starting a restaurant that uses chinese herbs as the instrumental ingredient of any recipe is an exciting idea I have after the Friday lunch. Hehehehe.

If NUS offers tcm, doesn't it solve everything already? Sigh. I know I can pursue tcm somewhere else other time, but by then thing might change again.

A tiny advantage NUS has will be that the sister and I would be in different school & the thought of representing different school just sounds so cool, as if we just had the best of both worlds. Hahahah just saying, this wouldn't be a deciding factor.

If only the coin can decide, if only it's that easy..

This is my thoughts for now. Leave comments or ask me question @ formspring.com/awhitelie to help me make an informed decision, thanks!

2011-05-19T10:48:00.001-07:00

The fight between medicine & TCM somewhat resembles the fight in GE2011, sigh!

One and Only Coach

2011-05-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

19/05 Happy birthday Coach! I'm really grateful for what you've done for me the past six years and will continue to do so.

2005: throws, track & jumps (idk why I change from throws to jumps, and what will it be like if I didn't change)

2006: SAA 80mH 13.78s 4th; Nationals Triple Jump 10.48m 3rd, despite the freak accident

2007: back injury, triple jump and 100mH

2008: Sports Day High Jump 1.50m & Long Jump 4.63m & Triple Jump Record; National Junior High Jump 1.45m 6th & Triple Jump 10.94m 2nd, the medal that I was so hungry for. Nationals Triple Jump 11.01m, 3rd, finally break through the 11m barrier. The betrayal </3

2009: O's result; SAA Series Triple Jump 10.64m, despite injury & Nationals Triple Jump 10.88m 4th

2010: Nationals Long Jump 4.7+m 3rd (thank you for fulfilling my dream unknowingly) & Triple Jump 10.6+m 2nd. I couldn't remember my distance, it's so disgracing anyw.

2011: A's result & the topic of my scholarship's essay

You've been there for me every obstacle that was thrown in front of me. You take me through everything and I'm only where I am because of you. Nonetheless, the recall made me so emotional and bittersweet. I'm really glad to have you as a big part of my life (1/3 to be exact) ; the bond will never break for sure!

On a side note, Happy 21st Wedding Anniversary to the folks, :D dinner @ jumbo seafood was satisfying!

Thoughts

2011-05-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

In the politic field, is any party ever innocent? By being a part of it, they have already acknowledged the rules of this game and accepted the terms and conditions, haven't they? Then why is that the battle is never-ending, when losing is also a possible result? Are they that willing to be the slave of power? Is the trade between power and everything previously owned logical?

Thought that wasn't meant for GE2011, but somehow it fits quite perfectly..

----------------

Human relationship is built like a spider web. It starts from a very tiny circle supported by many interlaced threads of viscous fluid, that hardens upon the exposure of air. Likewise, relationship can only sustained with time and effort, and after putting it to the test of external factor. Overtime, both stablilise and expand outwards. Ironically, why is that humans are more intellectually equipped than spiders yet majority cannot comprehend a simple logic - not to eat the hand that feeds you- spiders can?

---------------

All these were actually meant for events in april that I'm involved. Sigh.

2011-05-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Choices are given at any point of life, but the stake is up every time and it feels more uncertain and contains more risk. For the first time in my life, I'm actually making use of my results to get me to my next education destination and I was really proud of it, still am. Putting happy moments aside, everything else makes me troubled/annoyed/tired out. From the ranking of choices, to the scholarship essays, and now to the choosing of school and course.

Hasn't it always been tough to choose one from your two likes? Something v relevant would be the recent GE2011 Aljunied GRC. Haven't we heard enough complaint? Haven't we seen the stake placed and sacrificed? Saying all these, is there a reversible step to take, is it even possible to start again?

Choosing between NUS Science - life science (and specialise in biomedical science) and NTU biomedical sciences and chinese medicine is really hard for me. I wanted NUS life science and law DDP and NTU was only my second choice, but I wasn't given my DDP. Even so, there are so many options to choose, like applying for law in the second year or go to DUKE-NUS medical school after completion of degree, or to take qualitative finance/mathematics/chemistry? All these will be invalid once I go NTU and I'm fully aware of. So many people find it interesting that I choose my NTU course, and they just stop at that. They don't give further suggestions or opinions.

My brain told me to go for NTU but my heart want NUS.
1. consider prestige ( I was told employer consider that, talk about democracy.)
2. coach (It's still a big factor in my life, and has never waver at all)
3. distance (IF I have to go school by public transport everyday, sorry but you wouldn't see me in school compounds most of the time, seriously.)
4. I don't have 'A' levels biology, and NUS offers bridging course automatically.
5. The thought of going beijing to study for 2 years is really daunting, though I think I can survive and I still get to study overseas.)
6. Scholarship reply.

If only someone can give clear indication.. Actually someone gave me v strong and clear indication already, it's just that I'm not willing to listen even though my heart starts to incline towards it already. As I tell others I like NUS, and they told me to go there, I see comfort in those words, but there is a struggle somewhere, somehow. I think my brain/heart knows my where my future will be brighter and they are bringing me there.. Let's just say this saturday's sharing session will convince me.

The first letter of alphabet, with 's

2011-03-11T02:57:00.000-08:00

This is kinda late though.

Pre: Words can't really describe how I feel now, but I guess it's a mix of uncertainty, plus a tinge of worry plus a shot of anxiety and a can't-be-bothered mindset to reduce disappointment, if any. Truthfully, I have no idea what to expect but just pray sincerely that history doesn't repeat itself, despite having knack of it. All I ask for is A for physics, chemistry and maths. I'm not sure my goal for econs, but I think I'm good with B and a C will be enough for GP.

Not mentioning it doesn't mean I don't care and for my parents, I guess they just don't want to add stress and I think they believe we're good enough to produce better than average results, if not stellar.

No matter how it turns out, I guess I've no complaint or regret? Time to decide my future path, how can I be so indifferent?

Post:
Waited for Mr Seem, but he wasn't even aware of result release, heh. Had an enjoyable dinner with my family at Jack's Place for dinner that day and I could sense that my parents and brother are really proud of us, in fact they're gleaming with pride. There was a sense of satisfaction and gratification for them to send us everywhere almost daily. We're truly their princesses.

I know this isn't a good explanation for my results, cause it is way way beyond expectation and Idk how to start on this topic, so it's v incoherent. The result is like a god-given present, a dream I never dare had, a result I never expect myself to get. I guess many think I'm smart, but somehow it's just luck by my side that the topic was on food for comprehension and sports came out for essay, but no one believes my defence. A lot of options are now open to me, according to others, and verified by those undergraduate prospectus, such that I'm confused of my choices. What's worse is that I don't even have a firm choice to begin with.

I don't really like to face crowds now, cause
1. I don't like people to ask for my results, (HAHAH, don't ask me why, Idk also)
2. the following question will be uni choice/course which make me worry more.
3. some talk about the fees, and the burden for my parents, I'm aware of long ago.

Scholarship is another worrying matter, since I've to consider UK side and local side, but see how things work out for me.

I really appreciate for all the wishes, and congratulations message :) especially Su Ting who sent a message from UK!

Quoting Nicole's mum - "You guys make A so easily attainable" Enough said.

2011-03-02T06:17:00.000-08:00

I'm actually very stressed now. I have FTT tomorrow, and I'm totally unprepared, and I just came to know my didi has maths exam tomorrow and he doesn't know his stuff at all cause of the classes he missed due to competitions, and I'm really tired already to do anything. I actually feel bad that I can't make maths simpler for him, how fail am I? To me, maths, and thus number, seems to be dancing in my brain and can be easily comprehend. To say I love maths will be an understatement, but to say I appreciate maths in real life will be too much, cause Idk those golden ratio and whatev that pro people write in their thesis and exams, sigh! If life is unfair and you accept it, then you'll never do justice to yourself.

Chuck your starbucks or coffebean aside..

2011-03-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

This was what I thought of on a Thursday morning (Feb 24) after slogging out for 3 consecutive days, and wanting to shop for my brother's birthday present but was just too lazy to get out of bed.

I miss schooling days, especially when I see kids in their uniforms walking in a mall (I don't remember doing that in fact) and when I hear kids in the childcare centre I'm helping out have a common topic to talk about, I feel very estranged from school friends. It's also partly I realized schooling days are really nice and relaxing as compared to working life! Can't believe I said this, but majorly true. School life isn't even that challenging, I have never wanted to sleep that badly after 10h of sleep, and bedtime is now earlier than before. I dare say it is the earliest even juxtaposed with primary school kids.

Nonetheless, it's quite fun to gain new experience by working for daddy! I mean how many can get exposed to this, or even has the courage to take up this post right? I guess I feel fortunate that my daddy is in this line and lucky that the timing for this event to unfold is just right :) after working for a few non consecutive days (with other jobs sandwiching in between), I realized this job is rather indispensable, and thus somewhat still an iron bowl rice. Without a small and, seemingly so insignificant but definitely untrue, cup of drink, efficiency and productivity of office people would decline exponentially. This cup carries energy boost like a syringe filled up with steroid. Hahahaha! I actually feel great to serve them, with a smile, for you know, it really brightens up one's day or at least chase away those frowns.

I think every job has its down side and a part for people to complain and rant on, but as long as it's meaningful, why not give it a try?

I really understand the line where older generation always says - all these are our hard-earned money and it definitely doesn't come easy, and I truly appreciate the hard work of daddy, and somewhat grandfather (sounds a little far-fetched but, cause he built the foundation after all) This may be too late to realize, (after 18 years), but I'm thankful that I came to realization quite immediately after I step into the industry. Start counting your blessings, if you haven't already.

Wake up call

2011-02-20T17:47:00.000-08:00

Hearing how far Aisyah jumped really serves as a wake up call. Even subconsciously, I dreamt of competition. I get really panicked when I missed my turn, and I tried to find all ways to get myself registered, or even appeal. Sigh, this truly spells treasure only after you lose it. It's only now then I realised it matters so much more than I thought it would be. Time to get in shape! And I'm getting my spikes back, cause no one can fit that. Happiness, you wouldn't know how much that spikes matter to me, since you aren't me. :D

I'm talking about serious business

2011-02-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

1. I need to lose weight, lose those 10kg away, hurrrr! What happened to me seriously? Please encourage me.

2. Out of the 3 conditional offers, only 1 is recognised by SNDA, and it's surrey, sigh!

3. I'm turning vulgar, vulgarities are lingering around my mouth too often!

4. I've a 2 day intern, and I enjoy day 1 so much :D

My life is so messy, and my weight is a huge burden on my mind.

Recipe to grow

2011-02-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

Sit in front of a tv, munch bak kwa and sleep after that.

I feel that I grow after that. Maybe taller, maybe fatter.

2011-01-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

God, I feel like a lard now! I totally hate myself for not being able to control myself, my food intake, and the effort to go for training. What's wrong with me seriously?

I must be really determined to lose at least 5kg, if not how on earth am I going to start jumping again? Suckkk to the max. If only fats can be removed off from my body like how we removed them from pork. I'm a pig. Sian!

2011-01-19T09:36:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of things that I don't wish to talk about or recall. However, it seems to transform into a system in my body that is rather easily triggered time to time and I really hate it.

Life seems so different from what I expected it to be and I enjoyed it sometimes but I'm so tired of planning? Chinese New Year is coming, but there's no mood for it though I've been feeding myself with goodies, :P

Anyw, the phone interview went really well and the person kept saying that she was impressed with my knowledge and I felt really happy when she said it, but there's no change still and I'm getting a lil worried. Until now, I'm still upset that King's rejected my application because I didn't meet their academic requirement- biology. I'm really angry with myself though and I'm really confused now to stay in local or go overseas? So many things to weigh. :/

I think I changed, vulgarity comes up to my mind/ mouth v easily but I tried not to say, cause I didn't like it, and I know it hurts feelings.

2011-01-06T07:03:00.000-08:00

A new year calls for new year resolution and here you go:

1. Get back to my sec4 weight!
2. Find more fun jobs :)
3. If I'm back to competitive track, I want to go for Commonwealth Games, 11.29m!

All these while, there isn't a second person in my plan, and I think this continues. The ideal picture in my mind since young is me in my black yoga attire cooking a yummy lunch for myself in my apartment :) and this will stay. I really love to lie down on the chair at the poolside while reading a novel and getting tanned, letting my afternoon time pass.

On a side note, this Wednesday's phone interview is really important to decide my future and I'm really nervous and excited at the same time. I'm not very confident of my knowledge but I know I've passion for it. I haven't tell my parents about it and decided not to, to save them from worrying :)

2010-12-16T09:25:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking a lot for the past few days or even weeks after A's ended, and it never ever lead me to a conclusion. Things never get clearer, but I never felt the need to ask people. They're about my future and my feelings, afterall.

I thought after clearing the obstacle, things would change and it will never be a hindrance, but time to time, I'm proved wrong. I felt indignant and a slight angry, but who is not to admit that we judge people based on what we know, what we seen by default. I like the idea of lying down at the poolside suntanning and reading novel to pass time, but I guess its appeal start to fade. I have got zero idea what to do and I feel directionless. How easy it is to say that fate makes sport on me and I wouldn't barge? I've seen through it and I know it doesn't hold for all situation. IF the blemish is removable, I would do anything to get rid of it. If only...

Chances of studying Nutrition is rather slim, cause I just found out Surrey and Reading require A's biology or equivalent for entry. It wasn't stated in UCAS, sigh! I know Kings requires, but I applied as well, cause they're the top notch, and I really want the best to pursue my interest. Hopefully, Leeds and Kings email to tell me they're processing my stuff soon! Putting that aside, they're actually many attractive courses in local uni for me to study. I've browsed through NUS and I'm really caught in between. Idk what's the difference between double degree and double majors? It sounds really attractive especially when I've different interests, and mathematics, applied mathematics and quantitative finance interest me but it's impossible to take all three, wtf seriously! (I haven't cursed for months, or years, but it just come to me) Minor in forensic science sound really cool too!

Next, feelings. What's so great about that sometime I wonder? Of course it's nice being loved and feeling wanted, but I also know that it is the same thing that hurt you the most, throw you into hell and make you wish that you were never alive. Perhaps I watched too many drama, but for one thing that I'm sure, I've zero confidence in it. That may be why I built a wall around me and never let people in.

I hope I've a clearer head to think the next day.

2010-07-23T05:55:00.001-07:00

A girl. Sitting at the windy benches of a school. So immune to feelings and emotions when it comes to the big thing, love. Never knew it is actually that profound, it has never bother her at all. She thought what happened during the trip to China, Bei Jing, was so insignificant. She never give a thought after the curtain closed, she never spare a thought for the guy. She never tell anyone. That moment, she just sense that he has feelings for her, through observing people's comments and reaction, she thinks he is making his move too fast, she thinks that whatever he did was with an ulterior motive. She wasn't interested at all, she put an end to it very quickly.

Until today, only when she talked to BT, then she found out so much stuff. How blur she was!

She is really bewildered. She has never considered a relationship, she never stop to think about it. She treat guys as friends, she treat them as brothers because she is so used to talking guys, like her dad and her brothers. She has never seen beyond that line. She never had that special feeling for anyone. Sometimes, she thinks it's already hard to manage friendship, what's more relationship. Maybe she built a invisible defence wall around her heart to prevent people from breaking that red pumping organ. She is so remote, she never tell people about her feelings, or rather she hides it. She never let people in her secrets, unless necessary.She care for her friends more than herself. She hoped what she experienced serves as an encouraging story for people to pick themselves up from the dark pit. She really knows nothing in the world named love, and isn't interested yet.

She is an icy princess, indeed.

2010-07-22T06:03:00.001-07:00

Life is never a bed of roses, get back on your feet and fight! I'm definitely capable of that. Think of the 8 months after that, think of the bright future you'll have after striving for these few months. It's not easy, but so many people have survived, so can you. Believe in yourself, make that move. :)

2010-07-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

A came over to watch world cup with me. It was pretty boring and I guess that's why people like me don't appreciate soccer. She left at around 6.30am and I had my breakfast after I send her off. I didn't know she miscalled me thrice until I went back to bro's room to retrieve my phone. So I called back. She told me she met a car accident. I was just stunned and it took me awhile to get back my senses. I rushed down to see her. Only to be stopped at level3, by an Indian boy and he pressed 2. I was telling myself WHAT, can't you just climb the stairs? Halfway to level2, the lift jammed. I was just OMG, what luck. I was super worried for A and I just wished the lift functions again immediately! I was pacing up and down, and the security guard keeps calling to check on the boy. I told the guard there's no need to inform my mum cause I didn't want to be worried, anyway I wasn't afraid even though it's my first time. It felt like days in the lift, though it was just half an hour. I ran all the way to find A, only to see her in a shocked state. The impact on her back is tremendous and the car is totally wrecked. My heart was pumping so fast and I was just shaky but I fought back my tears. I didn't know what to do to console her. I suppressed the tears for so long that I cried when I walked back, I felt I was to blame for all these. I stayed at the swimming pool and mom called. She checked to see I'm alright since she has been calling me but there's no answer and it reached malaysia line. I told her I was trapped in the lift but I am fine. I closed my eyes and my heart is still beating very fast, I felt very terrible. Went up after calming myself down and I told my mom the whole thing, breaking into tears in front of her. She thought I was scared to death because I was trapped in the lift but no, I was scared because of A. I was super worried and couldn't sleep until she gave me a call. I slept for an hour, washed up and went to play badminton with M, C and S. Felt so distracted.
Went to Cedar to help out and I was having this worried but can't do anything feeling. Didn't have appetite and had bread only. Y said I look a little angry and she didn't dare to talk to me. I feel really lost. Had a sharing session with the Sec3s about handling the juniors.
Today seems to be infinitely long. Time is passing so slow. Hope there's no more drama, I can't take it.

2009-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

Holidays came and to be over soon. I went to bei jing for an educational trip, things that cld have happen happened, from the 28th of nov to the 9th of dec. then went chalet from the 13th to the 15th of dec. then family trip to hongkong on the 17th to the 21st of dec. What a happening holiday! gotta start studying soon, i'm a j2 next year, how unbelieving, but the truth is that!

I need to start moving and not pon trg when I like, i've yet to achieve my goal, work hard bummer.

anyw, Merry X'mas! Happy 1 year old estima car! <3

2009-10-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

I just took a v. big gamble, say it will turn out fine, please. I know the ans v soon.

Latest by tues? Hmph.

2009-09-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sept hols came and gone. So little studying was completed. 2 weeks to promos, how fast! But my heart is still wild, I want to go out! :D

I'm going to lose weight, and I shall have rewards for myself. AWESOMMEEEEEEEE! Jacinda,got things to tell you.

Be back after I lose 3kgs or I can't stand studying.

Training is ending, that's bad.

Kbyethx.

2009-08-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

If I were the creator, I'll put alphabet s,u,c and k together.

Nothing in my whole life sucks more than what life has for me now. Throughout the whole bus ride, all I can think of and what I ask for, is another 2 months! I need to clear that, just make sure I pull through till then. 2 months isn't a lot, right? Give it to meeeeee, I really need it. Life is like a vacuum cleaner ttm.

kthxbye.

2009-08-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

I hope Monday turn out fine. Many classmates thought I was sick but I wasn't, I just had something on, and srsly stop probing. Anyw, thanks for the concern.

I lost my motivation to get started on work. When ppl in taiwan are fretting over their daily lives and their loss of kins because of the typhoon, here we are fretting over the results which just make it seem so worthless. IF you don't even have the necessities and with offices and houses destroyed, what's the point of being a graduate?

My heart goes out to those taiwan ppl, to think that they have to cope with all these. A boy has to have his leg amputated to survive and the doctor and nurses dare not tell him he has lost his entire family, 11 people or more. I can't even imagine the loss of one kin, what's more more than your fingers can count? Life really unfair.

I have been telling myself life isn't a bed of roses, there's up and down but I'm really sick of my life. Life is tough, but their life there are tougher, be grateful.

All I wish for is a day of peaceful sleep. River, take away all the unnecessary troubles and unhappiness. One more thing, LOSE WEIGHT! 54.6KG is NOT acceptable at all. If I can be 49kg and strong at that point of time, I don't get why I can't be now, especially since I lost all my power and strength.

Enough said, carry on, accept the fate manxz!

kthxbye.

2009-08-16T05:59:00.000-07:00

WISH ME LUCK AND DON'T ASK WHY!

Tomorrow is the Start of my battle, ( I don't think any knows what I'm referring to but it's alright) All i need is wishes to show that you actually care. I don't know whether i believe in luck but it wouldn't do me any harm. I will survive.

Thanks for coming on Friday nights, it just feel like a dream to be detached from the world. I was alright, just that emotion was overwhelmed and I don't know what make me tear. Thanks a lot. Hope you're happy too though you seem to be v. troubled.

2009-08-01T01:25:00.000-07:00

Once again,I lost my direction. Kan believe I had survive for 6months.. It's really shit. I know that I lost you and I don't mind. I'm giving up everything now though it is not the right time. I find the phone irritating and I kan wait to switch it off! I want to lose connection with the world, I need time for myself, to be alone. Omg,Life Sucks ttm, or issit just me? Its only the start of the battle,y'knw. I don't know how long can I last and whether can I even pull through! Hmpf!

2009-07-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

Term 3 week 5, how fast time pass. Ohwells, I can survive. Feeling really fat, gotta come up with my diet plan and stick to it faithfully, 47kg here I come. Skinny is the Love manxzxz!!

2009-07-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

I have eaten my medicine for 3 days plus, still got 7 packets of powder and 14 tablets, sucks big time tht I feel like stop eating those, Hurhur.

I have been dreaming consecutively for three nights, maybe tht explains why my brain and body is so tired. I don't get enough rest though there is no training now.

I'm so tired of how things are now.

Dumbdumb, I'm v tired and sick of it alrd. I rlly v much want to give up. Hope you're feeling better and see a doc soon.

New week, new beginning. Week 3 already.

2009-07-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Result does not say all right? Why people are so concerned about result? I mean, it might be due to careless that you ended up doing badly or just pure luck that you scored and get a good grade. What is the big fuss? I think I'm neutral to result, as long as I passed, I'm happy. Why expect so much only to have a greater level of disappointment?

One thing will lead on to another thing and just based solely on result, you can see a lot of things out of it. Hmm, unknowingly, am I one of em? I hope not because I don't feel that way, but that might not be the way people see it.

Today I went for acupuncture. I realised my ch was real bad, I can't communicate and I felt so embarrassed when speaking ch. Lol. Hope it helps my legs and leg recover fast. It is so horrible to just eat those medicine though I'm super proud that I managed to swallow 2 tablets easily, for the first time. But now it is so uncomfortable in my stomach.

2009-07-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

Youth Day tmrw, the second last year alrd. Why we grow up? Ugh! I hve been going out everyday after cts end. Though a lot of hiccups along the way, I guess I really enjoyed myself..I'm contended.

This blog is so ugly without photos! Shall post some,that is, those that I like.

To you, I promise I will tell you one day. (Note to self: fulfil the promise made) I don't lie.

I wonder, will today be the last day I ever agree to see you? Somehow, I feel that I'm going to lose you...to who, I don't know. At least I enjoyed myself for the day, tyvm.

2009-07-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

I know how is it like to be unable to feel happy (again and again and again)... I got a lot of things to say, but to who? If only things were so easy... Only a handful knw, but I forgot who I told to, so how to tell?

I'm sorry for the way I let go. Idk whether should I give up or not? What if I managed to cross the obstacle, then it will be a pity that I can't be fixed it anymore. But if I kan, then it just make things a lot easier right? Argh! So much of the end justifying the mean..

(Breathe, breathe, breathe. No, I promise I won't.)

I had headache these few days before I sleep, but i think it should be normal, cus i'm not the only one getting it, perhaps it is the weather. Left with the weekend to enjoy, Hurhur.

2009-07-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Common test ended, not really, but hurhur, no one bothers about tomorrow's ch listening compre. Ohwells, it felt like it was a o lvl period whereby june is spend on studying, little social life.

I was happy for a moment that it was over, but i'm not now definitely.

Anyw, it is time to get fit.. (: Stopped training for two weeks. Oh, the China n korea competitor jumped 12m plus for triple jump like wow! Even better than singapore's national record.

I wish you are really happy.

2009-06-24T10:18:00.001-07:00

2 more days to the end of the holidays. Was rather glad that the holiday is not extended, still is. Daddy is overseas right now, just knew he is staying in five star hotel, probably enjoying a lot of good meals, have fun seeing and take more photos for us to see. I have not talk to him for almost 3 days, not that he didn't call back, but I always missed it. Miss you plenty, don't drink too much if not got ugly beer belly! HAHAHA.

I probably meet up with some people during this holidays. I spent most of the mornings training if not sleeping in. I really don't wish that my calf injury is back, like it is very stiff again. Is it just me that is injury prone? Sucks.

As what I said to someone, my smiley will slowly change from a D to a l and to a C.

2009-06-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

I told the HCI snr, I think I regretted my choice... how?

Anw, should get started with meeting up with people, family and dread most,studying.

People to meet up:
-Clique
-OG!
-Class for Badminton! HA,a few of us
-4 Cadre. <3
-Junior

2009-05-24T05:35:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is the start of the Last week of school. I try to be happy alright! (: Alot of homework to clear..

I'm walking with an ankle guard on my right side now. But I'm still going for training. Life without training is boring though it ends late. A side note, I'm serious about losing weight. Teehee. It just feel so eew when you feel a stomach bulging out when sitting down. I shall follow what I did tht time. AWESOME JUNE HOLIDAY TO CARRY OUT!

(my leg smell like a ginger, after it was being wrapped for 1 day and not washed for 2 day, I'm gg to bathe it after this)

I want to write a lettr, should I? To whom? :D

2009-05-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ystd the bone above my ankle suddenly come out after lesson. Daddy and mommy got a big shock and was super panicked. I had difficulty walking at home. So today, I gave coach a call, went to the sinseh, stay at home. I miss the meeting with jnrs, jacinda and coach. I went to sinseh and almost faint. Now, I have constant headache, maybe due to the almost faint. It becomes an excuse for me to not do work.

The sinseh said I had big neck cus whenever I'm unhappy or what, I keep it to myself so resulting the thyroid. EEW! so Try to Be HAPPY! ((: smiles.

Headache is killing me, I go sleep.

2009-05-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

time flies and it is the middle of week9 already. I have attended school for 12 weeks at least, I guess. I really need time to sleep and let my calves rest. 1 more week to bear with.. My calves seem hopeless, no matter what I do to it,it is still there. Issit only me or what? What happen to those lofty aspiration? What happen to the glamorous jumper? What happen..

Training is training when you feel tired after it and thats what I'm feeling now. I have yet to update my logbook though training started for a week.

Had physics test tday, it was horrible, I doubt I get even 1 mark, but ohwells, I learnt from mistakes, don't you? In jc,someone told me I will see fail fail fail for tests and it will be a norm.. Really?

My heart is aching...As in the real pain. What happen? or is it my lungs? my tailbone is hurting too. Is it due to insufficient rest?

Tomorrow is my parents' 20th wedding anniversary. I didn't do what I promised to do last year, make it big, make it memorable, whatev. What an unfilial daughter they have? Nonetheless, all I can do for them is just a smile and best wishes, perhaps a dinner too. How unrealistic it might sound, I really wish to see the two of them to be together until they reach like 80 plus 90, illness free, just like the couple they show in drama, living happily always...

Anw, last point, I realise it is actually very difficult to smile from your bottom of your heart, sincerely. As much as I wished to just show a smile, it is actually quite hard to fake a smile too..having no feeling isn't a bad idea afterall...

2009-05-17T05:47:00.000-07:00

Idkidkidkidkidkidk, I. REALLY. DON'T. KNOW! (tht look like id-kid..) Lol.
I guess I'm in no position to say whether I'm happy or not when I should just feel fortunate to have everyone arnd me..

What's at the back of my mind: when jokes are said the second time, it is no longer funny, I said that. So, why bother doing things the second time? why try, does it and will it justify all? I. REALLY. HAVE. NO. IDEA. and I want an ans.

2009-05-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

Friday was really a day I enjoyed myself IN SCHOOL and it really give me the feeling of a cosy class. Idk how long will that last but for all tht i knw, happiness are short lived so i should grab it whenever I can. It still stay in my mind and explaining the happiness I still have in me.

On a lighter note, does it seem that I would have a byfr? some asked, but ohwells, so ugly,who want? Lol.

Am I really happy?

2009-05-11T06:31:00.001-07:00

The days seen as a break from studies are ending soon. I didn't manage to do any work with programme everyday. Somehow, I regretted not going to Vjc whereby it was seen as a jc for cedarians, the closeness and cosy atmosphere. A school filled with gossips and scandals that I don't mind listening to and people make friends everyday, Everyday! Nonetheless, I wouldn't knw unless I experienced myself, which I never have a chance to, anymore...

This is week 8 already..I start to miss my outside friends a lot.. Training is resuming. Idk what to say about it because training is no longer purely training like in cedar, and sorry it just suck. But for my dream, I stick on...My last year, perhaps, I want to make big..

The occasional thoughts still pop out, I'm still a human afterall and I can't live without emotions as much as I wished for. Since I know it is unhappy stuff, there isn't a need to spread and say it out. I actually thought of giving up our Friendship when you are somewhat closest to me cus I thought of not spreading unhappiness and I'm really silly, nothing but foolish. Luckily I keep it to myself. I mean,even if I want to say, Idk where to start from..

Have headache for three days alrdy due to the lack of sleep last week cus of PI. Hmph!

I'm only just a kid.

2009-05-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day,

I know we sometimes argue, and
I sometimes blow my lid.
But I still love you very much:
I'm only just a kid.

Sometimes I need to push against
The fences you erect,
Even though I know they're there
To shelter and protect.

I know you want the best for me
And to keep me from all harm.
I just want you to know I couldn't
Have a better mom.

copied from somewhere, but it just bring out what I want to say.

This year, an exceptional one, we went to an extent to get roses and just make a small gift for our awesome mothers who work 24/7 non stop, without any pay but receiving blames,complaints and most probably any negative thing one can think of. Its the thought that count and even if I plant a peck on her cheek, she would be more than glad to receive,I believe. We made for 11mums inclusive of 2maids but well because I don't see them as maid but more than another lovely mother, I count them in. Something cropped up and we get the blame. Perhaps, we finally tasted the injustice the moms feel whole year round. Honestly, no one to blame for what has gone wrong, we receive 'debrief' from our mums, whereby we learnt to make extra, when we actually did.

All in all, we did what we think we should do and nothing is going against our conscious and that should be it.

2009-05-06T06:04:00.000-07:00

I'm have been trying to put aside my thoughts. I start to feel like a zombie-lead a life without feeling-but I think it will be better for me and, not making someone worry. I got to bear with another 6months (I think I'll only say out after the 6month when everything is over, or at least my part). So this leads to friendship.. Should I get really close with them? It might be...

Ohwells, at least I'm not feeling negative now.

2009-05-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

I decided to take down those posts. (:

Stay happy,I try!

2009-04-15T00:26:00.000-07:00

Alright,I knw ppl are dying to knw how I felt for this competition,don't you? But truthfully,I still haven't figured out my train of thoughts and feelings and thus explaining why I haven't get started with my reflection which I wanted to give coach. Things happened too fast and I need days to process especially with the lack of sleep.

Nonetheless, something ought to be made known is tht, I felt relieved after the competition despite the placing and the jumps distance, which was disappointing. Deep down in my heart, I knw that without the wonderful juniors, I wouldn't have last thus far. I read what they wrote for me as my farewell present the day before competition and I decided to jump my best just for them. Yes, them. They think that I'm a gd glamorous jumper and I'm their role model. The messages rlly got me inspired.

It was my bad that i forgot to inform yun yun that she can come down when i knw so many ppl are cmg down to support,and to those ppl,thanks for cmg down...

I hate to believe that luck play a part. tday some asked me abt the jumps. What I responsed may not be what I thought like well,they are all J2s.. and, all those questions prompt me to think and reflect even further and I'M STARTING TO REGRET. pff.

Lastly, apologies to coach and the owner of the spikes.

2009-04-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

The countdown on the track board has now decreased to Zero. Tmrw is the start of Nationals. How fast it seems. Usually it is in July,but this yr because of AYG,it is pushed forward. It is an undeniable fact that J1s are at a disadvantage but we can still put on a tough fight. (:

I shall remain positive these few days,seeing my video and just knw my ability. ppl think tht my div triple jump is very competitive cus one can't predict who will win the medal and I have to agree to that. Once again,gd luck to those competing. time to meet up with JACINDA. ((:

2009-04-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

Well,friday marks the end of my training for 50th Nationals. Sad to say,it didn't end well but I wasn't affected that much as I thought I would be. Seeing the jnrs train remind me of the past, the intensive training I will put myself into before nationals, it just correspond to the you reap what you sow phrase. I have been through it and proud to say,I survived. Likewise,this year will be the same. Like how miracles have happened on me, history do repeat itself and I will be an icon. I hope cedar jumpers make it big again. I can't wait to see the 3 golds fall in the hands of cedar again. Keep the flag flying or even higher than before. All the best to everyone. ((:

I might not be the one that will get the gold eventually like how everyone predicted that who will win cus its pretty obvious unless that day I really improve by a leap. Nonetheless, its comforting to know that the chances that it will still end up with Rjc is high. I might not get a medal at all but well the best would survive and I always believe in it. I aim for the sky so that even if I fall,I would fall on the cloud. Woots! way to go, Tuesday is da bomb!

Hopefully, I'm not affected by the fact that the class would be gg for class camp and I wouldn't be able to join them. Well well.

2009-04-08T09:07:00.000-07:00

I'm rlly tired so pardon the incoherence and whtev mistake.

I wanted to jot this down cus this seem impt to me,it will be a part of my life since it happened once a year,for more than 10years so its kind of a (yearly) habit.

Today was thaipusan,an indian festival. I didn't get to take any photo at all. It quite nice watching it,I immersed in it and somehow, I just watch for 5minutes without knwg. We helped out for a shorter time this time round due to trg and whts not. It wasn't tht thrilling anymore. Perhaps,the police also gave up warning us not to sell beer, not that its illegal on usual days,bt they just want to have less trouble. Today is the day to test your maths-accuracy and agility, response and leg power. At the end of the day,your hands probably smell like a coin,cus the long hours constantly in contact with the coin. The name of all kinds of drinks,hot or cold,would have confused a person who don't work there plus the need to rmb the price list and the brand of the cigarette and beer,its totally amazing how one can master it within 9hrs. The tiredness accumulated aft standing for 9 hours,with occasional breaks for meal,I really got to thank those that have helped out if not the parents wldn't have managed with the usual manpower especially when they hve to wake up as early as 4am and not back till now when its 12am.

The another part, which rlly get me thinking, is the worker that had worked for my dad for at least a decade. I got no recollection of him,probably I'm too young and I don't go down that often. Okay,I feel quite bad for that. I guess he is in his sixty now or at least fifty,but he is still that strong and fit. He stands there for hours and that didn't stop him from hvg a smile on his face. He carried the ice pail like a man in his twenties and I felt so useless beside him just holding the cover for him. Maybe ppl are right,the older generation can rlly tolerate all the hardship. Unlike them,we complained back aches aft carrying a few cartons of beer and packing the beer,it wasn't that tough afterall.

Okay,i gotta do all the work that I need to hand in tmrw. And tmrw is a long day which sucks.

2009-04-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

1 week nearer to the competition. But lets not talk about that first.

The whole week has been quite alright owing to the fact that I tried to slp early everyday. But the consequence is that I didn't do my work at all. Sadly,ystd gathering with the Cedar fielders upset the pattern and well,my eyes are feeling horrible frm the start of the day. Another issue was about a friend,whom I'm quite worried and I got a lot to say but...

I'm withdrawing from tmrw's competition if not I wld be slpg right now. Anw,I'm not supposed to be taking part in this meet cus I didn't want to and I'm not ready for it. Being signed up unknowingly actually. The medal will go to the person who really want it and those that didn't give their best shot will fall out of the list, tht easy? Idk.

2009-03-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

The last march wkend. Another 2 weeks to nat'ls; 15 days to competition; 370 hours and I'll be competing. But I'm not prepared. My distance is nowhere decency... so that's where the 15 days really helps. Its a go or break. Well,I'm nobody so I got nothing to lose so I probably will shine after 15days, Create a miracle just like you did in 2006 and 2008. This time is different, I have the urge to jump but the mechanism in me doesn't work. I want to jump. Passion,my life,my style! ((:

Its really time to rest well,eat healthily,sleep early and get my visualisation done. Woots. The focus for the two weeks will be jumps and nothing else.

2009-03-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

School is starting tomorrow, I'm hvg mixed feeling abt it. But its definitely btr than just dreading it. Anw,I'm not done with my work so I better start doing now. On a lighter note,I start to feel something for training,maybe the flame tht was put out previously,it rekindled.. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully the injury doesn't come back. 3 more week left,national record seem qte impossible,so does 11.40m but definitely not for Personal Best. I'm tryg to stay optimistic. Actually now,I'm quite excited for school aft mentioning abt trg,minusing off hols hmwk and the new ones.

Suddenly I have a different perspective of life and I shall let it be the motivation for everyday. (:

2009-03-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Since the start of the holidays,which is friday, I felt that my energy is drained away. I woke up everyday feeling tired,not wanting to get up the bed but I have to. Yet I can't sleep in the night. I fear that I can't wake up the next morning and slowly my imagination start to run wild. Seriously,I need to get myself recharged but how to?

*

I need to do my work,set my priorities,rest well and lastly rmb ppl's bday.
Idk how to tell apart ppl arnd me,like just a hi-bye fren or a true fren. Its so hard to decide whether to go out or to stay at hm to rest. I guess the things said by ppl whom I trusted are starting to fall in place and I'm starting to experience it myself. Its developing like a story,to add on, a replica one, another example for him to refer. Sometimes,I really think I made the wrong choice and I can't help but thinking of giving up. But I haven't reach the final line...

*
It sucks to wake up because of calf cramp. Tday I witnessed guys doing 10pull ups easily, doing 280cm for standing broad jump, another easy task and running 2.4km like running a 100m. I guess it is something different to experience,hvg to do 6 items at one go,but well, i whined as much as I did,I struggled and survived. (:

2009-03-14T04:17:00.001-07:00

I really feel like a party animal now.

I enjoyed myself ystd though I was hvg headache for the whole day. It would be the best thing in the world if I can forsake study, if I can just drop the burden. Ohwells,a victim of the system. But study isn't about everything, I just don't get it why most of the ppl are obsessed with studyg, study rlly matters that much?

I want to party, party and nothing else. Plus a camera on standby. (:

2009-03-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

Mar hols is drawing near,it actually start tmrw for us. But well, tmrw will be fun day. Hvg bf as early as 6.30 with a few ppl,marcus's hse, trg and og outing. (: I hope I can last and not die out since I knew beforehand trg will be exhausting.

Mar hols is for us to rest,catch up with work and frens... ((:

The whole wk has been great,it end with a high note for now,training was Yay!!! I trained and ended with a smile.

2009-03-08T03:53:00.001-07:00

I guess I'm getting back my fighting spirits. Mainly because of the team talk,it brings out wht I set out to achieve this year. Within a short time frame of 1 mth,I still believe I can do it. I have faith. And,I'm really alright. (:

Another week,the last week before sch hols. And the bday week.

today-jing long
mon- no one
tues- jac
wed- wend,anooja
thurs-rena AND HER TWIN,desiree, rufina
friday-chee yeow, hsin yi
sat- no one
sun- timothy lim

HAPPY BDAY TO ALL!

2009-03-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

Tmrw is another week. A fresh new start I hope. Put down the trouble n burden of this wk,not carrying fwd. I hope I end with a smile. (: relax, talking to certain ppl can really make me forget everything. I get new backpack. Woots.

2009-02-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

It really get tougher and tougher to make a choice when more friends are made, you don't knw who to spend time with and how long should you spend time with them. Its really hard to have a happy ending as it always happen in movie only.

And as wht my coach said abt himself,and I think I'm somewhat similiar,I tend to like to talk to snr more. I don't knw why not that I don't like the people.

Everytime I made a decision,someone bound to be unhappy. Ohman! It really sucks.

2009-02-28T08:08:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to regret my choice. Pls say I made the right choice. Every step I took seems so uncertain and that I might just flop. The one week hasn't been easy,at all. Somehow, everyday started off badly. As the days goes by,the workload increases, the stress level and tiredness build up and I really can't stop thinking about all those stuffs that really matters to me for instance,jump. I guess I need to learn to hide my emotions like my face says all. Once someone told me I don't look that happy as I was during orientation just aft one or two days of school and I don't believe, seem like there's some truth in it.

Since I chose the path myself, all I can ask for now is extra strength to allow me to pull through. I really wish to knw how things would be like if I have chosen an alternative road. So perplexed. I don't want to think about things regarding next wk..

- - - - - - - - - - - -

People used to say things like your smile v. sweet and all. But at tht point of time,I thought it made no difference. I thought all smiles look the same other than genuine and fake. How stupid I was. Now,I do think that there is such smile that actually brighten your day.

How I wished the wkend can last longer. I knw I'm different,I no longer have the confidence. I can no longer display a smile and a strong side of myself. Well,don't dwell on it.

2009-02-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

Back then, since I was a pri4 kid,I took up Track and Field as my CCA, the one that I stayed the longest, but that doesn't mean I don't like the rest. 7 years of trainings. Commitments, desire, the drive and the passion allow me to last so long and is still ongoing. Despite the unhappiness, sadness and times of giving up, I never once felt this worst before and I really meant it. I guess the reality just sink in slowly. Learning the truth is always hard so sometimes ignorance is a bliss. Anyways, not as if i don't knw abt it without him telling me. Its just self deceiving,self deluding. Its time to face it all. Another week ahead,lets see how it goes.

I believe Miracle do happen always.. (:

Now,I have to finish up my work when I'm left with 15mins.

2009-02-18T06:15:00.001-08:00

I think I should keep this alive by posting occasionally. Anw,Happy Birthday Chloe. (: Hope you like the surprise.

School

I guess so far it had been pretty alright. Like OG is still meeting up everyday,seeing everyone early in the morning though I stoned most of the time. And, my class is not too bad since I had alrdy experienced two years with those PRCs scholars back in Cedar which can be super fun and wild too. Oh right,I still don't knw where is all the LTs and stuffs so I'm just following the crowd. The main thing would be studying I guess,like self discipline play an impt role definitely, ought to read those lect notes beforehand and doing all those tutorials for the benefits of myself. I grew taller by 1cm and gain super alot of weight,so its time to lose weight.

Training

It's something that I enjoyed most of the time but it get onto my nerves sometimes. Just like when I really want to do well,especially when the season is pushed forward and there isn't much time left to train, my calves and right ankle are giving me problems. I believed my right ankle is hopeless, like nothing much can be done except bearing with the pain. I felt useless doing something slacker than others when they are really training their hearts out and I really want to join them but I knw my limits and I don't wish to aggravate it. The cause of the problem most probably would be 4trg session a wk,no matter how slack it may seem to be,resulting insufficient rest time. Plus my meal time are really screwed up which further hinder recovery time. Ohwells,I can only get used to it. I shall stay optimistic,when it seems that it hit the rock bottom,just be glad to knw that tmrw will definitely be better.

Sleep

I really got no enough sleep since the day school reopens. I guess others can tell easily with dark circles appearing and when I get double eyelids. I have been trying to sleep early like arnd 11plus. But I have been getting very weird dreams and it super scary. I really wish it stays as a dream forever.

2009-02-09T05:58:00.001-08:00

This is impt so I shall leave a record here. (:

I was really glad that I chose Rjc over Hcjc, still is. Even though I forsaked being a big fish in a small pond there and be a small fish in this big pond here, I'm not regretting my choice. The 4days orientation was nothing but just fun, fun and more fun. 17 new frens made, plus 1 old pri schoolmate cum tution mate and 1 sec schoolmate and 3 Ogls, who are fabulous. Though I didn't even get to carry out my prank to trick the Ogls, at least one of the sister's ogl actually talked to the wrong person,HA. I think I give him Idk-you face when he talked to me and he walked away. Oops sry. Anw,I'm very proud to be in my OG, cus its the unity and bonds that matter since winning whtev is not abt everything.

xoxo,
Yan Rui

2008-11-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

I really want our friendship more than anything,so I have decided not to for your dream. Tell me when you like or if you even want to. It scared the hell out of me that I slept at 5am on friday. The feelings were undescribeable. Like eeeeek! Anw,I just want to treasure the friendship we ever have. I don't want a trivial matter to affect it. xoxo. <3

God,damn true

2008-08-26T08:43:00.001-07:00

Lim is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.
Lim will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Lim an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.
When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Lim is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.
Lim is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.
Lim tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Lim writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Lim will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.
Lim will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!
In reference to Lim's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Lim slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.
She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Lim can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Lim's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Lim that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Lim also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Lim is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Lim's self-concept is artificially low. Lim will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Lim to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Lim is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.
One way Lim punishes herself is self directed sarcasm. She is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at herself.
Lim has a tendency to put things off, Lim procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Lim will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.
Lim is having a lack of physical energy at the time this handwriting was written. If someone has very short and straight down lower loops (like in the y or g), this indicates this person's physical drive (activity or sex) is compromised. Usually, this indicates the person simply isn't interested in getting too physical right now. This could be a temporary mood which often happens when the body is sick and is healing. Or, this could be a result of an emotional or physical issue that is effecting Lim 's energy level and interest in sex. Sex doesn't seem to be a priority at the moment.
Something is incomplete in Lim's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Lim's sexual needs.
Lim has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Lim's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Lim has regarding sex and physical things. So, her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Lim is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.
Lim has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Lim's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Lim has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Lim is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Lim is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Lim has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Lim fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Lim has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Lim seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Lim seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

2008-01-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

school started,gosh it sucks real lot. the long dist frm one place to one place,dangs.most of my tcher follow up,so okayyy. the toilet is creepy alright. the noisy expressway disrupt lesson a lot. Hahaha. spot check,i got caught,it is normal,very. socks n fingernail. i think now is my unlucky days,i bang into things everyday,this is where the cuts come about. i feel v uneasy aft eating the canteen food. trg has not been able to run smoothly,or rather everything,i owe tcher hmwk alrddy,shucks.

Btw,it is ur fault tht u lost the locker key. for the past three years,i hve been holding on to it n it is safe,myabe i did misplaced but i didnt cause anyone to not hve proper shoes for trg. the key was handled to u for one wk n it is gone. can u even hve at least a bit of responsibility? is it tht hard? u knew the keys was somewht lost,u didnt even bother to find the past few days,u jus let things go as it is. because of this,u caused the whole team to get scolded,not allowing to use the locker anymre,r u happy now? because of ur action,i,everyone got scolded!

This cause me to be so distracted n cannot focus,i feel so lost. hurdle was rubbish tday,i kick down every stick down,r u happy now? u caused so many displeasure yet u act as if nthg had happened. I'm sick of everything,i am lack of sleep. jus two wks of sch,there goes my slp alrddy.

Phy diagnostic test is a goner man,i think so at least. a pass would be gd enough. i think i am dumb to be placed in this class. i am not the least commited to studies,i would rather commit to track,at least there is a glimpse of hope right? though i dont like the situation now,it is in a mess.

2007-12-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

come back frm chalet. real tired. but i enjoyed.

DAY 1

check in at 2pm.

kop food.

play vball,captain ball. {to entertain kids}

pool.

barbecue.

pool.

bowling @ 12plus,end at 2am.

shower.

card,booze.

adventurous walk.

slp at 5plus.

DAY 2
woke up at 9am. {a shock by cazen,maybe fits?}

stoned for mins,waiting for toilet too.
bf.
mahjong.
lunch.
pool.
bowling.
barbecue @ 5pm. HahahA,start fire.
stoned,watch tv.
shower.
mahjong.
tetris.
slp.

DAY 3
woke up at 8plus.
bf
check out.

sat i was still v tired,maybe becus tht night slp so little. slp qte a lot. sun,tuition. eat with aunt,they r back frm her fren chalet? mon,there is no trg,maybe becus of xmas eve. planned to go out with someone,but then need to go temple to pray cus didi think of the death thingy agn.
eat vegetarian rice for lunch,ate half,could not finish. go n shower to prepare to go temple. vomit(1) while bathing. go temple,on the way back hm,vomit(2) in plastic bag,in car. come hm slp. then wake up to vomit(3). slp agn,wake up vomit(4),drink sugar water.watch tv,fall aslp. parents go out for dinner. they come back,watch tv tgt,fall aslp agn. midnight,they go out for xmas lighting,i slp,ice my head. they come back at 1 AM. go back rm to slp till nxt day. fever was 39.8. drank 5 spoons of fever medicine in total. tues was a bit sick. still wake up n slp. at night was okay,can eat alrdy. but ate a bit.
back was pain,give trg a miss. Hahaha. did some hmwk,but cant focus,so stop.

few mre days to sch reopen. haiz. sian.

2007-12-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

can u spare some feelings for me? do u rlly want to see that my hip collapse or fall apart during trg or when i am walking then u r willing to hlp me? dont u realise or at least see sthg amiss? now,let me tell you my step is very restricted now. i can walk like less than 50cm! fuck. jus because he lie down on the floor,unable to walk,u hlp him to rub. then maybe when one day i were to be admitted to hosp or i become crippled then u start to show ur concern n care? thangs man. my hip is injured,both. i cant lean my weight on it. if not when i stand up it is so pain,sharp ones.

2007-11-30T07:50:00.001-08:00

this few days i am getting weird dreams,it is rlly weird okayy,so random n stuff. tday i got a fright because of it n i woke up frm my nap. fuckshit. dreams seem so true okayyy,then it make me wonder whether it is true,then i will be seen daydreaming and stuff,crappy. bye peeps.

2007-11-19T06:40:00.001-08:00

YAY! i just succeed changing the blogskin. HA. i kope it from someone else. lol.

to you: i hope u are able to score well. gd luck and all the best.

to you:i hope u persevere. it is all in the mind. i got all this frm you,hopefully u preach it. hope u hve fun. luv ya. <3

2007-11-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

I THINK I AM DEHYDRATING!

should i drink water a not?

2007-11-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

okayyy,it had been ages since i used the laptop tht i smartly forget my password for xanga,so i shall blog here. extra lessons had ended. training is gg to start once agn. somehow,i dont want training now. it is not that i dislike training but neither do i like training. okayyy,i shan rant on. my stomach is behaving weird agn,it seem to reject food. er dont mistaken,it is not that i got ~~anorexia~~ . i consume food but my stomach just dont take it the nutrients and everything. i dont think anyone knw wht im tokg about so i shan continue la. im drinking cold water,shiat,i dont think i shld be drinking now when my stomach is weak currently. but i hafta drink water,i dont want to get sore throat. and im drinking from the snapple bottle. kewl! im too lazy to get plain boiled water from the 1.5litre bottle. compare,which is more portable!! HA. btw,i hve been qte pig since hols start. i took aftn nap everyday,i think. if training starts,i will die. lol. uttering rubbish. i hope my fitness is still there,it had been one wk since i didnt go for trg becus of lesson. hope mr seem wont mind. heard tht jnrs are strong now,good or bad? anyw,when the network and everything is more stable,i will update about bdays and everything. though the photo is like dno where. HA.

anyw,my stomach is feeling weird. wht i ate had alrddy gone into the toilet bowl,okay,it is just my guess. maybe because my stomach is not used to really greasy food but i ate seafood spaghetti n a lot of ice cream n breaded chicken shard by the trios. i think my stomach is empty now. but i dont feel like eating food,cus i think its nutrients will not be absorbed but ended up in the toilet bowl. though i think my stomach is empty,i feel like vomitting. or maybe it is just sore throat. the feeling is weird. anyw,there is sthg that im sure is tht i wont get anorexia cus daddy makes sure i eat every meal or at least dinner. okayyy,i admit i dont eat breakfast,bad,i knw! i feel like throwing up the water too,okayyyyyy i think it is wiser not to consume food now la.

and and and,taima is v guai,she did a lot of hmwk. i didnt do any,okayyy,maybe a few pages but didnt complete one at all. see,told u,taima has been a guai gal lol. she dont believe,but nvm. (=

to you:
though i met u once,i hope it dont give u false hope. sry if there is any misunderstanding but ohwells.

2007-10-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

ps:had fun jus nw. i made daddy piggyback me n spin ten rounds in the living room. shit,im suffering frm the giddy-ness. goodnight,it is 1.20am now. i guess im the first one. n daddy ask for the bday wish cus i came across someone blog wishing someone happy bday. tht is lame. i forget about it totally to wish him now,but definitely tmrw i will.

2007-10-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

i survived yet another day. i yawned thousand times during curiculum time. every moment im yawning,so unglam,and when i saw peoples while yawning,i hafta say hi cus that is basic courtesy so it break my yawn. i yawned. why would people yawn? oh i yawned agn. is it because our brain is lack of oxygen? tht is what most people say.i yawned once agn. HA.

ms wrong knocks ms right's head onto the door. i yawned agn. ms right's body clock rang and went dingdong dingdong. she is now ms right ding dong. i yawned agn. irritating. i yawned agn. bleagh,so short one,and i count,i yawn seventh time alrddy.kayyy,nights world. im dead beat,not act aft lunch,i slpt,taima see the effect? HAHA. lol.

THE END! <3

2007-10-21T05:28:00.000-07:00

gosh tmrw there is trg tmrw n i forget about it totally. now,i am such a blur sotong. ystd,i was thinking tday is mon. i got the holiday mood alrddy. anyw it is jus one week time. some other people does not hve school alrddy la. oh ya,i gotta say sthg,currently im being forced to play neopets agn. it solve my boredom a teeny little bits though. now im feeling damn random. nowadays,i seem to stone and daydream a lot. HA. a lot of ppl caught me daydreaming. hmpf. but no,im not daydreaming. im just thinking of stuffs,enjoying the silence,looking for sthg extraordinary to happen. but whenever they call my name,i just dont seem to rmb wht m i doing the past few seconds ago,but i knw i was jus looking out for sthg,thinking bout some complicated stuffs tht might not exist,just thinking,forming the picture in my brain. okayyyyyyy,stop talking yanrui,it make no sense at all. HAHAHA...

btw,my cousin n i are playing a lame game. it is to be said by him tht one meal cause us to get hell lotsa of weight. so our weight exceed the limit alrddy. oh ya,he is only 11years old. so tht goes to say im fooling arnd with a kid. HAHAHA.

GOSH!!! im damn bored. knw earlier i shld hve gone down to swim. i was stoning,using the comp just because i didnt get to use for the past whole wk. HA. after exam,its a no no for me to write nicely. so they willbe ugly handwritings for the tchers. oopsy. WAHAHAHA. i didnt mean to. oh ya,i hvent get exam papers frm anyone yet. but since our sch say our paper is confidential,which sch isnt? who wld wan to exchange with us? u think ur paper r so gd meh? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

training. training. training. training. training. training. training. it is fun cus there is no gym so far yet. we did hurdles alrddy. HA. but we hve been getting muscle ache after every session. bleagh. n pri6 students started to join our trg. lol. anyways jnr outnumbered the snrs. how wonderful is tht. tmrw there is trg. btw,i hate my hse tee. i love cat tee and pe tee. i dont like silver fbts. i like my blue and black fbts. i do hve purple n orange fbts but it cant be used for trg though. but i regret buying M,i shld hve get S. the cutting is diff.

2007-10-20T11:37:00.001-07:00

everything seems to be back to normal. i am back to myself once again. i am a happy kiddooooo. but i hope u two are fine,rlly. idk whether am i thinking too much,but it jus seem wrong to me obviously,qte visible though. i feel weird. but nah,i didnt want to voice out to make it worsen. maybe one day,everything would be back to normal. im quite worried for you two actually. but say goodbye to troubles!

now,life seem empty without studying but i dont want to study though i knw there is a need to improve on certain subjects. bleagh,study jus dont suit me. life is so unexciting. it is just lazing around,watching teevee,gossiping,training,schooling.stoning. im feeling fat so its time. i thought tomorrow is monday,which is a schooling day,though tday is saturday,practically dumb. im making didi to study and i did reward him,i allow him to swim,i bring him out to eat seoul garden with taima <3.>

i think im turning in soon though i seem to hve not use enough of computer,since last week,cus bro block the connection to make my didi study,but he failed badly cus didi is still able to play LAN. he is only 9 and he can play qte well,i hafta say tht. he told me he won a handful without cheat. he knw a lot of cheats,mainly from my cousins. btw im asked to play NEOPETS! big HAHAHA!

THE END! <3

V RANDOM!

2007-10-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

random: i am feeling like a stranger to the laptop. {sound wrong,just be it =D} btw i didnt use internet for one wk,i feel so not in touch.

i miss my old house badly. but it is gone. read if you are interested in my old house,bet many are,find out the reason at the bottom!

i want the big living room,whereby it is a spacious room,enclosed by glass mainly. i like the sliding doors! we played badminton there,so can u imagine how big is it? there is a big fish tank there which is a home for luo han fish,and our shuttlecock always land there. the fresh wind that blow in randonly. i like the design.

then the simple yet beautiful dining table,which gave way when we shifted it,it was there for at least 5years,so i guess the crystals thingy broke when someone touches it. the glass there was simply loved. standing there give u a peaceful mind. allowing to enjoy the scenery surrounding my house.

the guest room was there for nothing,except the toilet. HA.

then the buddha table was aligned to it.

then was the kitchen,the cabinet drawers,practically everything was green. it was nice,it brighten up the day.

then it was the maid room,the place i like to visit most,okayyy,not visit,it is enter. i laze on ur bed,enjoying ur smell,playing with your phone,sometims seeing you washing the clothes{my house has a washing machine,it is old n maybe spoil cus mommy prefers hand wash}.

walking up the stairs,i think there was 18steps,it was spiral. there is light decorations along it,i rmb we were fascinated by it when we were young,though i think it dont look nice now.

the corridor where mommy did her yoga,then was the place that places computer,old typing machine {i think it was cool at tht point of time,n hve been wanting to play with it,but didnt do so}, our study table {we didnt use}, our lovely guzheng. the cabinet was filled with all kinds of trophy,medals. it was just plain glory n honour stuffs. it was nice looking at it,reminiscing the past.

then was our rooms. parents' room was a master bed room n our old play room { they knocked down the wall!},simply big,there was two toilets in one room! there is five balcony around the master bed room. n they hve a big television inside. daddy's office is inside too. watching the teevee was jus as if watching muvee cus it has to be dark if not it cant be seen,in a sense,the teevee was lousy! HA.

bro's room and our room is connected by a toilet. as a notty kid,we always climb out of our window n sneak into one another room,we climbed to the roof to get back our shuttlecock,i rlly wonder where we get the guts.i dont think i dare now. i guess daddy n mommy didnt knw we did such suicidal acts. HA. if they know,most probably it would freak em out.

outside the garden,there is a small slide from toys 'r' us.{how to pronounce it?} they are holes arnd it,it had been there for years. being v small build at tht point of time,we r able to twist out body to go in frm one hole n get out from one hole. we played badminton there too. the shuttlecock always fly to neighbour hse,we did use fish nets to get it back,some was successful.{idk y my hse will hve fish nets,but there is.we didnt go over cus there is dog there!} we often set the leaves of a praticular tree on fire,cause there will be sound from it. {gosh,we are real notty kid!}

the carpark was posh to me. we cycled there. it can park three cars or four if they squeeze. there was a big fish pond and a small one,they were connected by a small 'river'. there was pumps n everything,it was cool seeing daddy doing things to cleanse the water,maybe.everyday without fail,daddy would take the fish food to feed em. {maybe tht y there is a need for fish net =)} in front of the ponds was a small garden. daddy wld make us dig out weeds. i rmb once the three of us digged a deep hole,maybe until the soil tht was mixed with cow feaces,tht practically stink up the whole area,so we close it hurrily. HAHA! there was a few pots of plants there,there was a few times it was infested with big fat _ _ _ _ _ _ {gosh,idk how to spell!!!} damn gross anyw. mommy use chopsticks to curdle it up n put it outside. {good of her not to kill it with baygones.}

surrounding the house was jus plants,i dont even knw wht plants,but i love seeing my maid watering it. once we had a papaya plant,it was burned on one particular yr mid autumn festival cus we hung a lantern there n it caught fire. didi tried growing bittergourd,ginger,onions. {it was successful though! he was in loved with bittergourd at tht time}

ohhhh,it truly brought back fond memories. after two n a half years,i still rmb so much of it,i simply love the layout n everything. btw i stay there for at least 5years,only 1 fren frm my pri sch n two frens frm my sec sch plus her sista came to my hse before. tht make up to 4! so pathetic, it seem like a isolated place,yea? though it isnt. be honoured n proud tht u ever step into my hse then. HAHA. bet you didnt regret reading it.

anyways daddy did make a promise to us,fulfilling it in one,two year or so. im ANTICIPATING!

2007-10-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

boo got back the remaining few. the mark is pathetic.amaths-A1. i think it was horrible,amaths was plain careless,but at least it was better than nothing,other people yearn to get this grade,as what some of the teachers say,90 is a A1,75 is still a A1,so why bother? it was just a few more marks to 90! bleagh. physics-C6,i was glad that i pass,but yea,it put down everything,same case for bio. physics was surprising. lol. i expect a fail.
after that,we were realised from the multi-purpose hall. was just affected by the mood of my class. so after toilet,i went to 3P. it was fun fun fun. cus i plugged in my music throughout. i STOLE taima's earpiece. HA. was super tired,i was planning to sleep,but just cant get to the posture. HA. but i was just stoning there. aft recess,go to taima class. it was v fun. we were using left hand to write a short story. we r super bored out. soon to 12,i heard someone saying ehhh,still got a few more minutes to 12 la. (cus 12 we are supposed to go for mother tongue class) so i was imitating her outside. others took a video,it was hilarious,to think that they come out of this video. smartie! then chinese lesson,heard frm chin tcher sthg disappointing,but it was okayyy,what done cannot be undone. then i was doing the practice,i do until headache. so i stop doing,and start drawing. random one. n bell rings. it mark the end of the day,we survived! training started,everything was okayyy. it was kinda fun. n now,im back at home,icing my back. wed,i took 3hrs plus to ice my back,to relief the pain. tday how long am i going to take? hmph. im feeling fucking fat nw,i cant feel that im jumping HIGH,i cant feel tht im running FAST. die die die.

2007-10-11T03:20:00.000-07:00

i got back some of my results. yeah. okayyy,it is a lot. like seven out of nine,whereby the sec1 n 2 got back four only. but i dunno whether to be pleased or be sad. bleagh. overall,im still quite pleased,i guess.

english-B4

chinese-A2

mathematics-A1

social studies-B4

geography-D7

biology-C6

chemistry-A1

i expected better for my biology,it was a jus pass. horrible. i felt damn dumb la. HAHA. i heard other peeps did v well. but neither did i expect so good result for my chemistry. wow. HA. i didnt let her down,i dreamt of her which kinda motivated me to study on that particular day. lol. but the highest is 96,supposingly? uhm,i failed geog by 1 freaking mark. grr. cause me to hve a fail for my eoy?! bleagh. anyways,i like my maths mark. i guess it is the highest i ever get in eoy. woohoo! btw,every end of year mathematics exam,i wld get 1/2 mark extra after a small dispute. HA. maybe that is the reason why they collected back all the papers. oops. maybe 97.5 is the highest? i got no idea. that particular person gt 40 for her paper 1. okayyy,it is full mark,but nah,my paper2 win her. lol. HA. but then,my overall lose her,duhhh,if not i wld hve topped. HA. hopefully,amaths wld be a better one. im expecting a lot. HA. so far,no one tells me about any mistake,~~so i expect full marks?~~ gosh,i bet it is a no no no. HAHA. chin essay was toopid. lol. when i wrote myelf,i got 37 n when i used the phrase given by tcher,i gt 32.5. SMART! others who used all score higher can. HA. yeah,i knw im dumb,i dunno how to use lol. y comprehension was a dread. first one i score 17.5 n second one i score 9. lol. it is a fail,becus i dno understand the passage at all,i was effing happy when i get close to border line pass. lol. english,most of the peeps say it was hard,but yeah,at least i pass. was happy. whoever who mark ss or geog,n joyce tan comment for larger font size,unacceptable! lol. but it dont seem that their handwriting is any better?! HAHAHA. tmrw we r taking back amaths n phy. bleagh bleagh bleagh,phy! i bet i will fail. lol. drats.

taima,dont be sad for ur emaths n chem kayyy,smiles. cheer up! =D <3333>

THE END! <3

2007-10-09T01:59:00.000-07:00

SUMMARIZING THE WHOLE MATTER.i had figure all out! be happy for me!

for three fucking long days,then i found out that you think that the problem or rather fault does not lie in the two of us. it is because of some unknowingly reasons that affect us,or rather me,i do not know about the fucking rest. thanks man,the lecture you gave in car make me understand that you simply do not know your daughter well enough afterall. therefore,i dare say that that particular day when i say out to one of my friends that i would rather be an orphan,i was not wrong at all. not even the least. now,i do not even feel that bit of guilt when i say that despite you,investing in me,bringing me up to now,for 15 years. basically,you made me see things more clearly. therefore,i no longer see the need to care for this family. when i was fucking worried for this fucking household,you said i am troubled by other fucking problems. oh thanks for that. recently,i learnt that it is not a great idea to invest your love on someone,because when the person leaves,you will receive a great blow,so i rather be a heartless,feelingless person. this is what you taught me to be. obviously,the lecture u gave me was not wasted,at least i learnt something that benefit fucking lots. since you taught me that,never are you going to regret your teaching and neither am i going to regret my decision. initially,i thought that you want some time to calm yourself down or rather cool yourself. i gave you time,and personally i do not feel like talking at that point of time. however,what i think,is proven all wrong. it is just my side of thinking right? u have your thinkings,likewise,i have mine too. since it does not meet,then i see no point expecting something out of it. i am not going to interfere anything anymore. i had given up hope in this house,i would not further expect anything. thanks for bringing around this message to me,all this while,i had appreciated what you all had done. although i do not expect any better,neither would i expect it to maintain there,but hopefully it would not worsen till that kind of standard that i dread then it will be alright with me,i would then stick to it. past few nights,i had some dreams,okay,is a lot. i remember some but it is of no point already i guess. finally,i would use the shortest time to get back to myself,the once that once leads a carefree life,who just play,eat and sleep. i am going to be a young innocent kid,whereby i would not be troubled my any matter,would not be affected by any comment. i still am the person who you used to know. lastly,people out there,you need not to worry,and thanks for those words,i appreciated it. i have said my piece. i will not be bothered by this anymore. goodbye.

THE END! <3

2007-10-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

im gg to MIA or rather ON HIATUS.

nthg for peeps to knw.

rather,for me to know,for you to find out.

i shall LET GO everything.

basically,now is just stoning!

whee,trg is starting this wed. YESH!! (=

i shall update when i feel like,or when i see a need.

ps:looking forward to thurs n fri. to see how realistic our bets..maybe by then,i shall post our results,maybe.

THE END! <3

2007-10-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

whtever is over shall be over. wht is done cannot be undone. apparently it seem to be solved so be it. y shld i be so affected by it in the first place? lol. however,i still cant bring myself to talk to you all. so yeah,no talking between us. okayyyy,not ~~no talking~~ but less talking...
this few days,i hve been eatg qte a lot. oh fat pig man. n for four days,i nvr sit car la. record leh. no wonder when i board the car,i was lyk eh so unfamiliar. lol. HAHA. the whole day,earpiece is plug into my ear,im listening to music the whole day. HAHA...now im feelg alot btr as compared to past two days...but i think i gt fever nw,wht a right time man. maybe i knw the reason y im pissed at her,tht cause me nt to tok. firstly she didnt tel me bout tmrw gathering,yet it was cancelled n she nvr tel me. kind soul man. initially i still plan to act as if idk n plan to go out. HA. who cares bout her. i didnt tok to her for one whole day! how great is tht! she tok to me,n my response was jus shake head,ya,urm. HAHA. plain kewlness...if i survive everyday lyk tht with everyone,soon i will turn mute,srsly,real soon. its gna be FUN FUN FUN!!! haha...tmrw wht shall i do? before thurs,im gg to get a haircut. yeah! im gg to exercise. ~~im gg to stone!~~ HAHAHA..
jus nw,the uncertified n unqualified doc came to take the lettr. HA. tht ur new name. she made me cant slp. all thangs to her i cant slp la. make me stone for three hrs. listening to music n nthg. lazing arnd. lol. im gg to slp until 12noon tmrw. provided no one disturb me..HAHA. tday i slp until 12 then my dad wake me up alrddy. sian.
idk wht wrong with her. suddenly doing all those weird weird thing, but aft tht day,i hve mre faith n trust in it. i believe it once mre,i guess...
i wan to go n eat pastamania. basically i wan to eat a lot of things. HA. i wan to go beach soon...wait until taima figure out the way there. i wan to get clothes too.

2007-10-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

IF YOU CANT READ,THEN DONT READ.

kay thanks goodbye.

maybe im MIA-ing.

im rlly tired. hopefully i slp till 1pm tmrw.

2007-10-06T08:14:00.000-07:00

i no longer feel the need to talk to you all. i no longer feel the need to acknowledge your presence in this household. so goodbye. i just cant bring myself to talk to you all. talking is really a chore. i rlly cant stand the sight of you all. i dont know. im rlly confused at this point of time. i tot by gg out tday for hrs,it wld let my brain to relax,letting my thought straighten out,bringing myself to face you all. but this all are just temporarily. when im out,i knw i did enjoy,but when im alone,my brain is still preoccupied. im sorry if im in the midst of my thoughts when u guys tok to me. i tried my best. but it is hard to put on a smile. i tot by going out,walking for hrs,i wld be tired,when i get hm,i can just collapse on my bed,leaving the world of reality. but obviously it didnt work. im still here typing. idk whether m i doing the right thing anot? but i rlly cant stand it. i rlly jus dont feel like talking. so wht if im attituding you? i think you deserve it. it is rlly time i make a choice,a wise decision. sometimes i rlly had a lot to comment,but i prefer not to talk.

thangs guy for the great time. i did enjoy myself. hving fun tgt. i wan to go out agn real soon. i wan to leave hm,but this is nt the reason why i wan to go out with you all. apparently we are still playing the eh im ignored game. fun.

ps:maybe it is time i make this private once agn. meantime,i shan post anymre of it. im sick of it.

2007-10-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

ystd night.
it was a dreadful night. i wanted to call someone to talk to but apparently everyone is sleeping soundly by that time. i felt the cold shiver sent down my spine. eew. i cant help feeling helpless, i cant help feeling empty. i cant help em, i cant do anything to save the situation. i feel lost in the jungle. im very confused. i could not get my sleep. it is a sleepless night. i hve been stoning besides my bed for hours. however whenever i sit there,i heard footsteps walking near,i would jus stand up and lie on the bed,pretending nothing is wrong. my brain is preoccupied,seriously. i was very exhausted,i was very tired,i was dead beat but i just could not sleep. i wanted to give up but why am i clinging on to it? is it useful? the whole night i am thinking through someone words. it get me through. i slp at 5plus? i sit till my tailbone hurts alot.

to panda:
is not that i do not want to tell you what happened. is just that i do not know how to phrase it. anyways just something to say-''jia jia you ben nan nian de jing!''

to you:
thanks for being there whenever i need you. you are always there at the right moment,right time. once again,i troubled you,so sorry about it. i appreciated your words. <3>

2007-10-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

this was drawn by rena, 260406! i love it so much.

this was wht i draw on my ss wksht out of boredom.

this is my pencil case for exam. c how many pen do i hve?!

er aft i slp,i jus feel so gd,u knw hving the feelg of escaping frm reality. when i wake up,i feel sick. im still v tired,mentally or physically. even didi n fren r mre concern than em,they jus ask me to drink mre water. fuck man. then didi still went round whining bout it,sayg zei gt fever. HAHA. so cute. when he watch tv,i cover his eyes. lol. er then fren was like y u slp in the aftn? u sick ar? lol. thangs dude..im okayyy.
n thangs you,i appreciated ur words n advice. i rlly love u. it wld be v diff without u. thangs alot.

2007-10-05T02:02:00.001-07:00

im not prepared for the worst to come.fuck off.

2007-10-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

im not in the mood to do anything. im going to lie on the bed. staring at the ceiling,practically stoning. stoning and still stoning. so far,i hve the power to do selectively talking,srsly. when i dont feel like talking,my throat would automatically shut. cus there is phlegm inside. i dont want to talk to certain pple maybe or practically everyone. lol. i so want to talk,but when i look upon the faces n everything,i no longer see the need to talk. wht the pt giving ur view when wht u say tday is not gg to change the fact of it. instead,worsening the situation,i choose not to talk. so im only 'talking' here. so there will be a high chance of me non stop posting. i feel so exhausted and tired of everything. so wrong time. it wasnt suppose to be like that. i choose to slp,gg to my la-la-land.

i wan to be a happy small innocent kiddo. not knowing when the world is gg to crash,not knowing wht will happen the next moment,not knowing wht wld happen aft this sec,not knowing wht im gg to face the next moment,not knowing everything,every matter. i choose to hve partially permeable membrane for my brain n my puny heart. it isnt able to take every load. its gonna be too heavy. its gonna capsized soon. everything is just going to change right after tht moment. you,me everyone. i dunno wht next step i will take? eveywhere jus seem so dangerous,it will trigger another matter to happen again. for once i feel lucky tht my exams r over. reminisce the past,i felt so controlled yet safe,lucky. i wan the past badly. sometimes,ignorance is a bliss. or i rather say most of the time. not knowing anything,not getting involved physically or mentally,not wanting to knw. im really sick of everything. i had the urge jus to go to the kitchen,open the fridge,take out the barcadi n gulp it down,but i wldnt be drunk. fuck. or maybe i shld open the cabinet n get the other one,tht one cfm drunk. i wldnt be aware of the situation. doesnt she knw tht the door isnt soundproof? doesnt she knw whtever she is tokg,im listening. is nt the i wan to eavesdrop. listen up,i wld rather not. lyk who wld. hopefully the day can pass without anymre thing happening. seeing all the worried face carry by the household,im scared sthg disastrous wld happened. i dont wish for tht. i wldnt wan thing to worsen to tht extent. everyone still take a place in my heart. im still concerned bout everyone in this household. tht the reason why im worrying n doing nth in the hse,im suppose to go out to do some things but i hold back,n firstly sry dude,i cant hlp u tday,but i promise to teach u online or thru sms,i will fulfil tht promise. im jus anticipating sthg gd wld come up,but the possibility is real low. there is still arnd 7hrs to the night whereby everyone slp. by then,i wld feel at ease,a little. i wld wan to contact him but idk how to phrase it. i wan to hlp him badly,but i dont hve tht capability,i feel like jus tokg to em,askg em to trust him one mre time,hlpg out in this crisis. but i knw it is pointless. they wldnt give in. everything wld nt turn out well. why they think so far? sometimes,its good to be simple-minded. fuck.

lookg at the brighter side,i wld be ignored currently. there is mre impt matter on their hands. they wldn't bother about my stuffs n everything. i can get to do wht i wan. but at this pt of time,wht can i do. jus prayg for the safety of everyone. i dont want anything to happen srsly,i think i will jus breakdown. by then,i wld nt tok to anyone,even the person i trust most,im sry for tht impulsive decision,but i jus cant bring myself to n i think afterall i hve troubled u many times. i feel bad,srsly.~~i wan to run out of this hse n nvr turn back,but cld i?~~

why wld fate make life difficult? i feel like appealing to someone up there wholeheartedly,i used to seek hlp frm u whenever i nid,but i dont think u will hlp me after how i treated u shabbily. im serious,i knw at a pt of time,i didnt wan to trust u.. its my fault but so be it. nth i say is gg to change the fact currently. they wldnt be there for me anymre. i dont who to turn to alrddy. bang.

ps:whoever who reads this,nid not worry. buhbye,im off to slp. hopefully everything turn out good. la-la-land,here i come.

2007-10-04T21:18:00.001-07:00

fuck big timee. the world seem to hve crash down.

feeling fuckg vexed. troubled.

2007-10-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
i go bring the angela zhang de concert go there watch
retrospect. says:
oh ok lol...
retrospect. says:
u ask zhen na la,tht one her hse lol
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
later got personal concert
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
must buy ticket de hor
retrospect. says:
lol..
retrospect. says:
ltr glass break u knw? then rlly hve to stayover at her hse to prevent thief frm coming
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
walao
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
YANRUI!
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
oh
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
i noe
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
i noe why the glass break alr
retrospect. says:
y?
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
is cause i sing too nice le, then outside people hafta break glass in to listen
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
haha
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
LOL!!!
retrospect. says:
ur ghost friend ar? they piao inside can alrdy
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
ah!!!!!
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
yanrui, you veh chicken!
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
AHHHHH!
retrospect. says:
wht!
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
i so scared of ghost so why will i have a GHOST friend
retrospect. says:
lol..
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
and if my voice like ye ban ge sheng then die le lo
retrospect. says:
bu da bu xiang shi..maybe u get to knw one of em during the seventh mth
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
walao
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
da bu dao one
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
ghost float only cannot hit de
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
LOL
retrospect. says:
lol..
retrospect. says:
ur ghost fren power la,master the highest point of ghost-art
retrospect. says:
can walk,don nid float
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
haha
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
oh
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
i think i noe who is that ghost friend of mine liaos.
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
is apple right, cause even the face look like ghsot. haha
retrospect. says:
lol.
retrospect. says:
good tht u realise it yrself
I LOVE YOU the way YOU LOVE ME, MUM! says:
haha

the convo with my dear friend. so funneh...had fun suanning her.. lol.

ps:i dont wht im doing is correct anot,i seem to only make ur relationship with em to turn even mre sour. hopefully he3 doesnt betray you. n hopefully she1 n he1 dont invade your privacy. all the best. im in no place to judge n speak. but i knw i still love you.

2007-10-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

he2 is the remote control.
she1 is the machine.
accidentally,remote control activated the machine.
it causes an explosion.
she2 n she3 are affected by the effect.
she2 n she3 are now victims of the explosion.
he3 isnt aware of it cus he is attending school.
he1 is the mediator(?).
he1 was notified about the explosion n he rushes back hm.
he1 n she1 are tgt now,limiting the roll of the death to the lowest.
n meantime,he2 has left alrddy.
mediator n machine r now negotiating(?).

okayyy,some words here are used too harshly?! okayyy,i think its fun to express it in this way! plain kewlness...

2007-10-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/story/7298242?MSNHPHCP&gt1=10539
go and take a look. it is tragedy that a person has to use drugs to win. in the first place why would you use unorthodox methods? is winning that important? being able to stand in a world class platform to compete is an achievement already. being able to represent your country out there to compete is yet another glory. afterall,its the experience that matter. because of that moment of fame,you betray your conscience and snatch the glory of others who r more capable than you. you would not even feel proud of your own achievements. so what if you had gain world recognition? the thing is going to get expose one day. there is no way you can cover it. so why not win a competition with your own capability? at least you prove yourself and you made everyone proud of you,happy for you. furthermore,losing a race does not mean you are a loser. you gain experience n are more determined to train harder and fight for the medal. isnt it suppose to work this way? depending on a certain thing doesnt solve the problem. and from what the report says, "Anything that exposes the truth about drug use in sport is good for ensuring the integrity of sport," Masback said. "Any use of performance-enhancing substances is a tragedy for the athlete, their teammates, friends, family and the sport. We await any further developments on this matter."

2007-10-04T10:04:00.001-07:00

i shall blog about wht i rmb for the past two to three wks since im free like fuck nw. HAHA.

tday. 041007.
i look thru my exam paper. its like jus printed one,nth was on it esp jus ticks for mcq. it was damn nice. i was wondering y must we always get pink chin paper n others were white. i long for green paper. n i tink its for malay paper. HA. me,being a malay?! i was lazing arnd. nt used to it whereby last time was jus okayy,study study n study. but now life is way relaxing.

wednesday. 031007
aft paper,was rejoicing. but i cant slp all thangs to wen who stil hve paper ystd. so i was using comp for 5 str hrs. nthg irritated me. i was peacefully sitting there surfg the net. read bout some sad stuffs,but its okayy,nthg affect me cus i was fkg happy.

tuesday. 021007
my brain is SATURATED with bio stuffs. i cant rmb phy stuff n amaths laws n rubbish. practically i was jus staring at the full of info paper,nt absorbing. fuck la. lyk hello,i see the paper n the paper see me,n nth get in. was irritated n gave up studyg,tht gonna explain my result for phy. HAHA.

monday. 011007
it was sarena bday,n poor girl gt 4papers. i was studyg for bio. the whole day back at hm i was jus readg tht bio bk. for your info,it was my first time touching tht book,srsly. lol. i spent three hrs on excretion,jus to memorize tht miserable 10pages of thing. nw it is secured in my brain still. gosh. i browsed through other notes. all thangs to wen,whenever before slp,i read thru the notes,n she was the one who put it away for me,if nt the notes wld hve been like in wht state la. nw it is still straight like jus ironed one. anyways all my papers r lyk tht,i cant stand crumpled paper,i wldnt study it definitely. i was msgg table partner,n we r playg with bio stuff. i tolde her my brain has partially permeable membrane,i wld select wht i wan to memorize. lol .then she ask me to be a sponge.

sunday. 300907.
daddy n didi happily went in to msia,n they go genting. their purpose there was to see factory open by dad's fen siblings. n they brot back alot of stuffs,including the chee cheong fun,er still got yong tau foo. HAH. it was peaceful without tht pig at hm but i dun hve peeps to let me disturb lol. i jus realise act he is so impt. gosh. lol.
mugging for chem n geog. n abit of bio. i realised it was too late to start studyg bio. i was worry for bio rather than geog n chem. suddenly i think chem was easy. lol. my table partner hve change name to thiefy. HAHA.

saturday. 290907
was studyg geog. recap all those stuff i rmb. n i only rmb all those headlines. impressive man. lol. by the end of the day,i memorize everything,sort of la.

friday. 280907
i stay up to 3plus gg to 4am to study. 2 to 3am was tokg on phone with panda. it was useful cus aft tht i memorise stuff fkg easily la. it get into my brain str,maybe my brain was empty at tht point of time.
before was study date with clique. except yuting. tht spoiler. lol. it was productive. stay till 9plus in the library. i knw the way to make me study effectively. first entertain me n make me laugh n enjoy n get back to business...tht was wht taima,wen n i do. we were jokg arnd for sometime..n aft tht was total silence,n we studied. tht day the line we said most was:"eh fine,im ignored agn!" haha,v funneh lol.

thursday 270907.
was mugging for ss. din rlly care bout maths until the last min. smart. tht y idk sets n standard form.

tuesday. 250907
it was mid autumn festival. eveyone was happily celebrating n im mugging. DANG! daddy n didi went down to play firecrackers n carry lantern,n mommy tag along. haha. daddy throw the firecracker up to the trees. poor tree. they went down for 1hr at least.

sunday. 230907

went to granny side to celebrate. took it as a time to slack. hve fun with babe. i played swing. we spent quality time tgt once agn. awww,i love her. wonder wht she is doing?! obviously slpg. her slpg time is kinda weird. they slpt at 9plus n wake up at 6. lol. HA. interesting. tday her cousin cor n find her...

saturday. 220907

went to daddy side the granny hse. it was a waste of time. there is no fun at all. lyk practically stoning for hours. fuck. aunt computer overused n died?! n becus of tht,i realised the other aunt n uncle job is related to computer. i meant like i wasnt sure bout it. but yeah,being related to computer thing is gd,they gotta go overseas frequently lol.

friday. 210907

we went to j8 to buy mooncakes frm east ocean n shangri-la. daddy spent 400 plus on east ocean,n only 5 boxes belong to us,the other 9boxes were meant to give out. and shangri la,i bot one box only,cus the standard drop,it wasnt tht nice alrddy. n i jus wna try the snowskin one. HAHA. it was nice,but nw,its harden inside the fridge? lol. i think keep too long alrddy.

okayyyy,this r sort of all those i can rmb. the rest of the days were practically stoning or mugging.HA. CANT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MUG. DANG! for nw,its definitely ~~no mugging~~ like duhhh. who wld,in the first place? i think i btr slp soon if nt tmrw i gt no energy left to teach my jnr. dang. hopefully i can hlp him n i don forget wht i hve learnt in the past. gosh. ~~its time to get thos knowledge back.~~ my brain is still saturated.